The Christmas Ball
by saralikeprada
Summary: Arizona Robbins never understood the concept of Love. She believed in acquiring and possessing. What happens when love becomes the one factor that tears her marriage with Callie Torres apart?
1. Chapter 1

**_AN - So I wanted something with Arizona being dominant among our duo. This story line is one of my most favorite and it can be a bit angsty than my other stories. Hope you guys enjoy it._**

* * *

Callie Torres hated Christmas. She had for the past five years. Every single year she had spent in her wife's—soon-to-be ex-wife's—sterile mansion, void of boughs of holly, mistletoe, or anything resembling a reindeer, had been bleak and soulless like the woman herself.

Before her marriage to Arizona she had quite liked Christmas in New York. From the beautiful department store window displays to the glittering tree in Rockefeller Center. But after that, all of the festive cheer outside had only been a reminder of the starkness inside her life.

She lifted the red skirt of her gown as she walked up the steps that led to the front entrance to the grand ballroom of the Forbes. This would be her first Christmas party without Arizona since they were married, and she was determined to enjoy herself.

They had both been invited. Because when the invitations had been sent out their marriage had still been seamless as far as the public eye was concerned. But Arizona will not come. She knew that

Though, the iconic marriage of Calliope Torres and Arizona Robbins had never been all that it had appeared.

A marriage to shore up her failing company. A marriage of convenience.

Though, a real marriage. In spite of the fact they had never shared a room, never shared their personal space, they had most certainly shared a bed.

As Callie walked into the ballroom she unbuttoned her long black coat, handing it to the man waiting to check it. She became suddenly conscious of her hands, of the fact that her left hand was bare. That her ring was gone.

That her marriage was over.

She should be happy. The day after Christmas everything would be finalized, and her life would go back to normal. Her marriage to Arizona would be nothing more than a blip on the radar. A starter marriage. Who in the city didn't have one of those?

She made her way deeper into the room, feeling suddenly very conscious in the bright red silk gown amidst the sea of chic New York City black. The annual Forbes Christmas ball was always a can't-miss event, but since the takeover of the new CEO, interest had been heightened. So many of the people here were in attendance because they were searching for something. For a sign of weakness, for a way to ally with Addison Forbes Montgomery, one of her biggest confidant and best friend! And Callie?

Callie simply wanted to take this chance to start over.

But she had one thing in common with the rest of the guests. She was wearing a mask over her eyes, offering the thinnest veil of anonymity. Making her feel as though she was watching all of those around her, while keeping herself hidden from them.

Suddenly she felt a prickling sensation on the back of her neck and she lifted her head, looking into a mirror that was mounted on the wall in front of her. She could see herself, dark hair styled into loose waves, the golden mask fitted to her face, red lips, painted to match the crimson gown that formed to her curves parted as if in shock.

And then she saw what had caused the prickling sensation. She had been wrong. She had been seen. Someone else was watching her. In the reflection of the mirror, her eyes connected to those of the woman behind her. She was wearing a black mask, her flawless body outlined to perfection in the sea blue pant suit she was wearing.

Those blue eyes saw through her mask. And she saw through hers.

Arizona Robbins. Her first wife. Her first lover, but never her first love. Because Arizona Robbins didn't believe in it. And she didn't want it.

The ghost of Christmas past had come to haunt her indeed.

* * *

Her wife was here. And she had the nerve to look like every Christmas present she had been denied as a child.

Then, as now, seeing the brightly wrapped gift, all Arizona wanted to do was to tear back the paper and reveal the treasure beneath. Then, as now, she was forbidden from doing so.

As the child of a maid living in a palatial estate, Arizona had witnessed grandeur on a massive scale from a very early age. Witnessed it, but not been allowed to partake of it.

She hated being denied. Then and now.

She was beautiful, Callie was. She always had been. And when Callie had proposed a marriage of convenience between the two of them to help improve Arizona's coquette image, and to add her ailing company to Arizona's list of assets. Arizona had been more than willing. A wife was the next logical acquisition for her, as she never in her life imagined herself to be with a man sexually, let alone marry them. But then getting a wife as beautiful as Callie could have never been a hardship. She was clear about her condition and Callie had been more than accommodating about it...what about being bisexual and all. But she has always been a lady lover and Calliope Torres was definitely her most prized possession.

Tonight Callie had outdone herself. The gown was beautiful, but Arizona was fixated on what the olive skin beneath it looked like. Arizona knew. She knew intimately. The silky texture, every delicate curve of her body.

She and Callie had always been able to talk business, and they had always been able to make love.

It was everything else they found challenging.

Sex had never been an issue. She had wondered at first, because when she had met Callie she had seemed quite severe. All business. And yet, the way her suits had been tailored to her exquisite body had given her a hint that she was a woman who knew her appeal and also knew how to use it.

During their very short engagement they had discovered that the business arrangement was not the only perk of their union. Their attraction had been combustible from the beginning. Though, Callie had made Arizona wait for their wedding night, and she had been rewarded spectacularly with her innocence and the most explosive encounter of her life.

Every encounter thereafter had only been better. And for five years, even as Arizona felt the gulf widen between them, their physical intimacy had only grown more intense.

Until Callie had told her she was leaving. Until she had told her it was over.

After that, all of the lust she had felt had turned into burning, brilliant hatred. As white-hot as any passion that had ever passed between them before.

Though, seeing her now, Arizona knew that not all of the lust between them had been eradicated.

Liquid brown eyes met hers in the reflection of the mirror and Arizona began to walk toward her. The same eyes widened in horror, her lush red lips pressing into a firm line. She did not want her to talk to her. All the more reason to approach.

"Merry Christmas, Calliope."

* * *

 ** _AN - So? What do you guys think? How do you guys think the divorce will play out?_**

 ** _AN - This is a Arizon G!P story, if it is not your cup of tea, don't drink it._**

 ** _Awaiting your love_**

 ** _xO Rita_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_AN - Bonus update!_**

* * *

" _Merry Christmas Calliope!"_

* * *

Those words. Oh, dear God, those words. They had always ignited a fire in her stomach. And parts lower. There was something just so primal about Arizona calling her Calliope...

"It isn't Christmas yet, Arizona." Callie swallowed hard bracing herself to turn and face Arizona, to deal with the woman in the flesh rather than as a ghost reflected before her.

"There are still a few hours left."

She turned, and realized too late that there was no bracing herself for impact when it came to Arizona Robbins. Her only consolation was that the mask blunted some of Arizona's feminine beauty, the black leather concealing her neatly shaped brow and her cheekbones. But it did nothing to reduce the intensity of Arizona's dark azures. And it certainly didn't stop Callie's stomach from tightening painfully. Didn't stop her body from responding.

Five years she had shared Arizona's bed and nothing had taken the edge off of her desire for her.

Not even when she had grown bitter, broken over the distance that remained between them.

No matter how many times Callie kissed her, no matter how many times she let Arizona inside her body, she never felt closer to her. They had sex, but they did not have intimacy. And there came a point where Callie could no longer bear it.

"You wouldn't know it. Based on the department store displays one would assume Christmas began in October."

"And yet, I would venture to say that based on our own work schedules you wouldn't know it was Christmas at all."

"What are you doing with your time these days, Callie?...Since you no longer have your company..." The rest of the sentence remained unspoken.

She had lost Torres Manufacturing when she had chosen to divorce Arizona. But among the many things Callie had learned about herself over the past few years was the fact that she now knew business couldn't fill every void. She needed more. And in order to have more, she had to escape her marriage.

"Right now? Volunteer work. I have register myself with few LGBTQ organizations. I want to fight the discriminations and all...I haven't decided anything about my future yet. It may surprise you to know that I'm eminently employable."

Arizona chuckled, the dark sound rolling over Callie like a hit of good alcohol, warming her, making her lightheaded. "That doesn't surprise me at all. You have a keen business mind, even if you are a faithless wife."

"I was never once unfaithful to you, Arizona."

"Betraying your marriage vows by seeking divorce is not unfaithful?"

Callie gritted her teeth. "Divorce is legal. I was your wife, not your prisoner."

"As the holidays have slowed things up you are still my wife."

Callie looked down, swallowing, or rather trying to. Her throat was so dry she felt as though she had been snacking on cotton balls. "Yes, well, another reason to dislike this time of year."

"Perhaps you should speak to your confidant Addison Forbes about getting a job? I'm sure the new CEO of the Forbes Empire would be delighted to have you. The rumor is that Addison is out to looking for a suitor as well. She's also keen on acquiring the Shepherd chain of hotels as well, so I imagine there will be more job opportunities open for those who are already in house. One would think those at the Shepherd's will be out of luck."

"Why would you think I would have any interest in that?"

"Because you have a thing for powerful women, and Addison Forbes is most certainly that."

Rage zipped down her spine. "Is that what you think of me? That the only way I could possibly get ahead is to use a woman in power?"

"Your track record would suggest that as a possibility," Arizona said, her voice hard. "However, you are wrong. It is not what I think of you. Because I do not think of you at all."

* * *

 ** _AN - Ouch! Right?_**

 ** _AN - Yes Arizona is more well off than Callie here. Both my new stories will have another new update in like a day or two and okay suggestion accepted, I will try making them longer. (Sometimes you want a chapter to end at certain note and that's why I go for shorter updates but I will sincerely try for longer ones.)_**


	3. Chapter 3

" _ **However, you are wrong. It is not what I think of you. Because I do not think of you at all."**_

* * *

The lie burned Arizona's tongue. She thought of Callie. She thought of her every night as she tried to sleep. She had thought of Callie when she tried to pick up a woman in a club only a few nights ago but failed miserably. She thought of nothing but Callie. Her body wanted no woman but Callie Torres

Inconvenient, since she also despised Callie.

Their life had been comfortable, until Callie had left. Nothing had changed. She had not changed.

But Callie had changed.

Callie had left her. And Arizona was not done with her.

Standing there right now, looking at Callie in that dress, Arizona's fingers itching to tear it from her body, she knew she was not done with her.

The mask did nothing to dull her beauty, if anything, it added mystery.

Mystery. That was intriguing considering the fact Callie had been in her bed for five years, considerably longer than any other woman in her life ever had been. And Arizona had been faithful to her. She had not been certain she could manage that when they had first married. But it had been easy. Arizona had never wanted anyone else.

Which was the issue now, considering Callie was no longer her wife, or rather, wouldn't be on the day after Christmas.

But Arizona had let her walk out. She had let her do so without a fight.

She had let Callie get away too easy. Perhaps, being married to Callie had made her soft. In the past no one would have dared defy Arizona Robbins in that way.

Arizona had allowed Callie to make her forget who she was.

And it was time that both of them remembered.

"Do you know, as we have been standing here talking I find I'm remembering something," Arizona said.

"What?" Callie asked.

"I am very angry with you."

"You are angry with me?" Callie's eyes flashed with rage. "You think you have the right to be angry with me?"

"Oh yes, I have every right. You made vows to me, Calliope. And you have broken them."

"Why should you care? It isn't as though you love me."

Callie's words hung between them, resting just below the soft strains of Christmas music that were drifting through the air.

"I do not have to love you to want you," Arizona said.

"It would be nice if you didn't hate me."

"The sex was very hot between us when our feelings were much more bland. Imagine how good it could be now."

Callie's bronze cheeks flushed red. "That's neither here nor there, as having sex with the woman you are divorcing is hardly advisable."

"But you are wearing a mask. As am I. We could be anyone."

"But we are not," Callie said, her breasts rising on a sharp breath.

"So serious, Callie," Arizona said smoothly "Always. Much too serious."

"Life is serious. You have never seemed to take it that way."

"Obviously you don't know me very well, Calliope."

Furious brown eyes met hers. "And whose fault is that?"

"It doesn't matter. Not if we are strangers."

Arizona let the words simmer there for a moment.

The fire in the liquid brown eyes chilled and crystallized. "What exactly are you proposing?"

"That we leave the past here. And go upstairs and have one last night together. One last Christmas. You look every inch like a present just for me, and I find I cannot wait to unwrap you!"

* * *

Arizona let the words hung between them. Knowing very well the effect she was having on the woman in front of her.

Callie could only stare at her wife, stunned.

Arizona was holding out forbidden fruit, and she desperately wanted to grab hold of it. To do more than simply take a bite. To seize it, to savor it.

But even as she battled her desire to speak the yes that hovered on her lips, her insides curled in on themselves, retreating as though they'd been touched by fire.

Because Callie remembered why she had asked for the divorce in the first place. Because she remembered that sex—no matter how good—couldn't replace real, emotional intimacy. That it wouldn't fill the emptiness in her, or fix the loneliness that always hit her with the force of a hurricane after they finished making love and Arizona went back to her own bedroom.

Which meant that no matter how intensely her body burned she could not submit herself to that kind of pain. Not again.

"This present is no longer for you."

Arizona's dark azures burned into hers. "Is that so? Is someone else going to open you up this year, Calliope?"

"Perhaps," Callie lied.

"Then you must point him or her out to me," Arizona said, her tone hard.

"For what purpose?"

"So that I can kill them."

A strange little zip of pleasure wound its way through Callie's body. Arizona was passionate about business, she was passionate in the bedroom, but in her verbal exchanges with her Arizona had never been anything but measured, calm. Disinterested almost. Arizona had certainly never expressed jealousy. And that's what this was, jealousy. Her soon-to-be ex-wife was jealous. Of a fictional woman who didn't exist anywhere outside of a tiny little implied falsehood.

"You're not going to kill my lover," Callie said, unable to resist pushing Arizona a little bit further.

"You think not? But then you must ask yourself, Calliope, if you ever knew me."

"If I didn't know you who's fault was it? Mine or yours, Arizona?"

"Perhaps it is both of ours."

Callie sucked in a sharp breath. "Do you think so? I never kept anything from you."

Arizona reached out, taking hold of Callie's chin to study her face, forcing the liquid browns to meet her azures. "Did you not?" Arizona's gaze was intense, focused. She slid her thumb along Callie's bottom lip, sending sparks of pleasure along her spine. "I very much believe that you kept secrets from me."

Every guilty word Callie had left unspoken between them built up inside her chest. "I can't believe you would have ever cared to hear my secrets."

"So instead you will tell them to another woman?"

"What will I get in return if I tell them to you?"

"Pleasure. Have I ever denied you pleasure?"

"No." Callie blinked hard. "But in the end it wasn't enough."

"For a marriage, perhaps. But for a night?" Arizona insisted.

Callie cleared her throat. "Even if I did intend to sleep with another woman, you would try to seduce me away from her?"

"If, in fact, you do intend to sleep with another woman tonight then I will certainly be angry with you. But not angry enough to cut off my nose to spite my face, so to speak. And anyway, I would rather have you in my bed than know you were in bed with someone else." Arizona stated point blank.

"And what about you? Going back to the legions of women you used to have before you married me?" Callie couldn't hold down the tremble in her voice.

"There has been no one else. I want no one else," Arizona said, her voice rough.

"Really?" Callie was stunned.

Arizona's words soothed the wound Callie hadn't been aware was there.

"But it was not the same for you?" Arizona asked.

"Of course there is no one else. There was no one before you, why would I find another lover so quickly after you?"

A slow, satisfied smile spread over Arizona's features. And Callie knew she had made a mistake. Knew that she had forgotten she was talking to a predator. One who saw her as prey.

"Perhaps I should not be so gratified to hear this, but I am."

"That does not mean I'm going to sleep with you."

"All right," Arizona said, her tone measured and calm. Callie wasn't fooled. "But if you will not sleep with me, perhaps you would consider dancing with me?"

* * *

 ** _AN - So? What do you guys think? Who will win Arizona? or Callie? or Chemistry?_**

 ** _AN - Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. They surely encourage me to write faster._**

 ** _XD Rita_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_AN - So someone requested to include a song and literally that was hard for me as my taste in music is very saddistic. Song verses are in italics and flashback in bold italics_**

* * *

Arizona's heart was pounding in her head as familiar beats of music flowed through the ballroom. She knows this song by heart. In fact it's the only song she actually knows. It was the same song she and Callie danced to on their wedding day.

 _No heroes, villains, one to blame_

 _While wilted roses filled the stage_

 _And the thrill, the thrill is gone_

 _Our debut was a masterpiece_

 _But in the end for you and me_

 _Oh, the show, it can't go on_

Initially Callie was dead set against having such a joyless song as their wedding song but for Arizona it was fitting, it was the successful culmination of her next big deal by then. But now it holds a whole different meaning. It was symbolic of her failed marriage and the mere notion filled Arizona with inhibited rage.

 _We used to have it all, but now's our curtain call_

 _So hold for the applause, oh_

 _And wave out to the crowd, and take our final bow_

 _Oh, it's our time to go, but at least we stole the sho_ w

The metallic tang of anger only just now receding from her tongue. Callie was still her wife, after all, even if it was only for one more day.

After that, once she was no longer hers, she could have whoever she wanted. But until then, Callie belonged to her. If she was spending the night in anyone's bed in these last remaining hours of their marriage, it would be of Arizona Robbins.

"Dance with me," Arizona repeated, motioning towards their familiar song that was flowing above them.

"Just a dance?"

"If you wish."

Arizona extended her hand, her chest tightening as she evaluated the expression on Callie's face, partially concealed by the golden mask. There was fear in her eyes, trepidation. Arizona had not seen Callie look at her that way since their wedding night. When Callie had been a virgin. When she had been filled with uncertainty as to what would pass between them. Arizona had taught her, and quickly, that there was nothing to fear from her, not the marriage bed. And while they had never trusted each other with everything, they had trusted each other physically. Arizona could see that Callie had lost that during their six months of separation.

But then, she intended to separate from her forever, so perhaps that should not come as a surprise.

"One dance," Arizona said, unable to remain patient. Unable to wait for Callie to make the next move.

"One." Callie curled her delicate fingers around hers and Arizona fought the urge to cling to her tightly, to tug Callie against her chest and kiss her now, to prove to her that whatever she believed, whatever she pretended, whatever those signed divorce papers waiting to be filed said, her body still belonged to Arizona.

 _We used to have it all, but now's our curtain call_

 _So hold for the applause, oh_

 _And wave out to the crowd, and take our final bow_

 _Oh, it's our time to go, but at least we stole the sho_ w

Arizona resisted, but only just, playing the part of gentle woman as she led Callie out to the dance floor. Everything in her longed to pull Callie tight against her, and yet she managed to draw Callie into just a respectful closed hold.

Oh yes, Arizona was very much playing the part of the gentle woman she had never been.

The better to lure you into bed, my dear.

Callie looked up at Arizona, brown eyes wide, as though she had heard the thought. Arizona said nothing, only raising an eyebrow in response.

Arizona was unbearably conscious of the feel of Callie's skin beneath her. And of the fact her hand seemed different somehow.

Her ring. Her ring was gone.

"You have taken off my ring?" she asked.

"Yes. We're divorcing." Callie looked down and Arizona knew then Callie has caught sight of the gold band Arizona still wore on her left hand. "You still wear yours?"

"I was not the one who asked for a divorce," Arizona said, her tone closing the subject neatly.

She didn't want to discuss why she still wore the sign of their commitment, not when she couldn't even explain it to herself.

Callie looked away and Arizona could see a pulse beating at the base of her throat. She wanted to press her lips to the delicate skin there, feel for herself the effect she was having on her.

It was so rare for Arizona to touch Callie outside the bedroom. After they'd established themselves as a couple they had never bothered with such shows of romance. Why would they? Their marriage had never been about that.

Now though…now that Arizona was staring into forever without Callie, now that she was looking at her, watching her body sway to the music, seeing her dress swirl around her feet, around her legs, a bright shock of crimson against the black suit pants, Arizona regretted it.

 _at least we stole the show_

She released her hold on Callie's hand, tracing a line down her cheek, meeting her eyes. "How long has it been since we danced?"

* * *

 ** _The day was filled with greetings and receptions that seemed to go on for forever. At 2AM when she waited for her wife to come to their bedroom, all Callie could think of was what tomorrow awaits for her company. Tomorrow Torres manufacturing will be back on its feet again and she felt like she couldn't wait for this day to be over already. It has been a long taxing day, what with New York's most talked about wedding, photo shoots and other appearances that kept them busy. Now standing in her white wedding gown in Arizona's bedroom, in front of a floor to ceiling length windows overlooking the New York skyline, Callie felt happy and content. She has accomplished what she had aimed for._**

 ** _The door to their bedroom swung open and Arizona walked in while still on her phone. For a moment Callie was stunned and taken aback. She didn't knew what she expected but here she was, standing in her heavy wedding attire, waiting for her wife, for her first night. And there was Arizona, wearing one of her regular nightgowns, barking orders on her phone like this was any other regular night for._**

 ** _Suddenly she felt like a fool for still wearing her wedding dress at 2AM in the morning, somewhere hoping that her life will at least have some semblance of being just married. But this was all sham, this was just a business deal. A deal she set terms to._**

 ** _"I want 40% of Brooklyn manufacturing's turn over invested in Torres manufacturing. Make sure the transaction happens over night. If tomorrow I don't see Torres manufacturing back with top numbers on share market, it'll be your last day of your work"_**

 ** _Arizona was practically yelling on her phone. And though Callie knew that she's doing this for her, but still something about this whole setup just felt extremely wrong. She watched as Arizona removed her night gown and got into bed all the while not even acknowledging her presence in the room. Sighing she slipped off of her gown on her own and slipped on the opposite side of the king sized bed and tried to sleep._**

 ** _Somewhere around 3AM Callie could feel Arizona's eyes upon her; she could sense the hold she herself was having on Arizona, but she can't help but wonder why. Arizona was watching her -every movement- every breath she was taking, she was following the moment quietly. Callie looked up at Arizona, and finally, their eyes lock...each of them unwavering in this game. Callie could feel the temperature of her body rising significantly, and she focuses that heat into her gaze. She's sure Arizona could feel her hunger. Perhaps she could even call it need. Whatever it's name, the wanton feeling continues to grow, creating a perfectly lustful attitude between them._**

 ** _They've played this game far too long. Dancing. Watching. Flirting with their desires, but never conceding to them. Week after week, in business meetings, conferences, wedding, they have played the same game. But now, they were tired of it. They want more, and Callie knows that this intensified desire within her will demand satisfaction. It will not allow her demure manner to push it aside this feels compelled to reach towards Arizona. The sea blue azures of her eyes were inviting, drawing. Their faces were merely inches apart, and Callie could swear they were the only two people in existence. This close, their unbridled passion was intensely apparent. Their eyes were still quite locked on each other, and Callie finds it impossible to restrain herself. Even Arizona seems to be struggling with a similar dilemma. Callie's lips gets pressed to Arizona's, and there's rests no longer time to dwell on it. She have done it...She was kissing Arizona. What was more amazing was the fact that Arizona was returning it with equal desire. Their mouths were hungry for each other. Arizona doubts she can ever get enough of Callie; she only wants more and more, and yet...she pulls away. She looks at Callie, asking the question, and Callie nods._**

 ** _Lips press to lips once again, their tongues dancing together...hungrily exploring each other's mouths. Callie is reminded of what she likes the most about a woman...their , Arizona's hungering mouth searches for more. Her tongue finds a path down Callie's delicate neck. It spends little time there and continues to her breasts, where she suck each them in turn, her teeth grazing Callie's nipples, and Callie feels them harden, along with the hardening of Arizona's penis. This excites Callie...Arizona's arousal...and she feels a warmth spreading throughout her body . Arizona's own nipples are hard from Callie's fingers teasing them..pressing them. Arizona lays Callie on her back and let her mouth wander down Callie's belly to the centre of her warmth. Callie's breaths become shorter as Arizona bury her face between her thighs, her tongue flickering and exploring. Callie's wet beyond her control. Arizona's slides a single finger inside of Callie and feel the immense tightness, she immediately pulls away from her ministration and looks at Callie confirmation. Callie just nods begging for squirms, which is all the confirmation Arizona needs. Callie could feel Arizona's warm mouth sucking and her tongue licking her...delving inside her and back out to play with her hardened clit. Arizona presses two fingers deep into Callie. And then she kneels and positions her enraged shaft at Callie's entrance. Callie gasp slightly, revelling in the sensation. One tiny push and then a bit forceful one, and Arizona almost surrenders in the immense tightness of Callie's passage. A single tear rolls down Callie's cheek as Arizona starts a rhythm. Their thrusting bodies and flickering tongues continue their pleasuring... both of them on the verge of utter bliss. Callie could feel how wonderful it all felt, how wonderful Arizona felt...and not to mention how intensely fulfilling. She came with an wild abandon, a great satisfying pleasure...and she's driven even further to make Arizona's release even more spectacular. Callie's mouth finds Arizona's lips again, her teeths nipping at it...her hands roaming Arizona's spent body. And then she heard Arizona whispering_**

 ** _"In our lives, we hunger for those we can not touc_** h".

* * *

Callie looked away from Arizona, trying to get a hold on her senses. They were currently galloping ahead of her like wild horses, her heartbeat keeping time with imaginary hoofbeats. How had she allowed herself to forget the effect Arizona Robbins had on her?

She should have known that the moment Arizona touched her she would be lost.

It had been that way from the beginning.

Callie remembered clearly just before they had announced their engagement how Arizona had demanded they test their chemistry. She was not, she had said, marrying a woman whose bed she had no desire to be in. Callie had been angry then. Because in her mind passion had nothing to do with their arrangement. For all she cared, Arizona could take mistresses.

At least, that had been her feeling just before Arizona's lips had touched hers.

From that moment Callie had known she would be Arizona's, and Arizona's alone. And that she would demand Arizona to be hers. That kiss had changed something in her, had opened up a well of deep longing she hadn't realized was there. Arizona had made Callie aware, in that moment, of how much of her life she had missed pouring herself into her work at the exclusion of all else. Doing her very best to further the legacy her father hadn't been able to see through.

After his death when Callie was nineteen she had become obsessed with the idea of keeping things going. Of taking the company to the place her father had imagined it could go. But somewhere in all of that, in the midst of trying to live out someone else's dreams, she had lost pieces of herself. Had become hollow, incomplete. And Arizona… Teaching her to want again… She had made Callie so painfully aware of it.

From there, it had been a slow descent into madness. Of becoming increasingly aware of that emptiness until Callie had to change something. Ironically, without Arizona she never would have realized the emptiness was there. Ironic, because it was her feelings for Arizona that made her so aware, that made it impossible to stay.

That made it so painful to leave.

Yes, Callie had told Arizona in the beginning she had no need of love.

She had been a fool.

Because the moment Arizona's lips had touched hers five long years ago she had realized that everything she believed about herself was a lie.

And on her wedding night she had discovered that not only did she desperately want love, craved it, but she wanted it from her wife.

The woman who had vowed to stay with her in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer.

The woman who had also vowed, after the wedding ceremony, once they were alone, that she would never, ever love her.

* * *

 ** _AN - So? Will this dance lead to something else? And damn that chemistry ugh._**

 ** _AN - You know what to do for a bonus update._**

 ** _AN - my heart is with everyone feeling st loss with a Trump presidency. I'm devastated as well but let's not give up. Let's fight for Hillary. #NotMyPresident_**


	5. Chapter 5

Memories of the past echoed through Arizona as she twirled her wife around the dance floor. Strange that an action so foreign to them should conjure up memories. More than memories, there was a strange, hollow ache. Of memories that should have been.

Arizona had not taken her dancing. They had danced at their wedding, as they had been expected to do. Once at a gala when they had been establishing their couple status with the public. But never since.

Regret lanced Arizona, stealing her breath. This would be the last time they danced. Arizona had not appreciated that before. Had not fully appreciated all of the things she would never do again with Callie once they had divorced.

Certainly, there would be other women. Of course there would be. She had not been a monk prior to her marriage, so it stood to reason she would not be after. And yet, the prospect did not fill her with excitement. Not in the least. Arizona did not feel like she had been unchained from a shackle, rather she felt as though she were walking back into a dungeon she had already been freed from once.

A strange feeling. Ridiculous.

And yet, Arizona could not shake it off. Not now she had had it.

Arizona tried to remember the last time they had made love. She had not been conscious of the fact it would be the last time. Callie's request for a divorce had come out of the blue, during the middle of the day. There had been no opportunity to say goodbye. No opportunity to cement the end of their relationship with a final coupling.

Arizona could no longer let that stand. She could not endure it.

This was to be their last dance. And tonight, Christmas Eve, would be there last night together.

Arizona Robbins was a woman who went after what she wanted. And right now she wanted to seduce her wife.

"Good thing we have the masks. We might have caused some gossip otherwise," Callie said, her voice soft.

"Would that be the worst thing?"

"There would be no truth to the rumours."

"Is there no truth in this?" Arizona asked, taking the opportunity to trace the lush outline of Callie's ruby lips again, her warmth and softness beneath her fingertip a tease she could scarcely withstand.

"Attraction. But we've been down that road. It ends. I ended it."

"It does not end for two more nights. Tonight. We can have tonight."

"Arizona…"

And suddenly, Arizona was not content to simply touch Callie's lips. She had to taste them as well.

With the music in the background promising with sincerity that the singer would be home for Christmas, Arizona bent her head and kissed her wife.

And for the first time in six months, Arizona did indeed feel like she was home.

* * *

Surely, over the course of five years of marriage, Arizona had kissed her thousands of times. But in this moment Callie forgot them all. She forgot everything but this. But Arizona's lips on hers, in this moment. Forgot everything except what a revelation this was.

She clung to Arizona, curling her fingers around the collar of her suit jacket, holding Arizona to her, afraid that this moment, this woman, would disappear back into the ether if she let go for more than one second.

It was ridiculous to want to hang on, when she was the one who had decided they needed to let go. And yet, here she was. Hanging on to her as though Arizona were the only thing keeping her afloat in the storm.

Don't do this to yourself again.

Callie's heart was screaming at her. Six months. She had spent six months trying to get over Arizona Robbins and now she was going to fall willingly back into her arms? Back into her bed? She knew how this would go. There was no twist ending awaiting her.

But Callie couldn't resist. She never could. No, not from that first kiss all the way until this one. She had never been able to resist.

"One last time," Arizona said against Callie's mouth, her voice rough. "Give me this. Please."

"Why?" Callie whispered.

"So that I know it is the last time."

"What do you mean?"

"You surprised me with the divorce. I am certain that you knew the last time we made love would be the last time. But I did not."

Callie's face heated. Because she did know. She had been so acutely aware that she was saying goodbye to Arizona the night before she left for that last business trip. She had known that she would be giving her the divorce papers when she returned. But Arizona had no way of knowing that. She had known that last night that it was goodbye. And she had said it, with her body. Carried it with her even now.

"I didn't think you would care." Callie hadn't thought she would. Not for one second. She was surprised Arizona hadn't replaced her in her bed already. She had never imagined she was special, she was just convenient.

"I care very much. And I am owed my goodbye."

Callie tried to squash the little bit of hope blooming in her chest. Arizona only cared about sex. She didn't care about her. Arizona's pride was likely wounded by her abandonment. Unsurprising, considering Arizona was a very proud woman.

And Callie wasn't nearly proud enough. Right now she felt needy, weak. Desperate for one more time.

"Then I'll give it to you. One last night."

Arizona nodded once, her expression like stone. "One last night."

She broke their hold, her hand wrapping around Callie's as she led her from the dance floor. Every eye was on the masked couple as they broke through the crowd, moving quickly toward the lobby of the hotel.

Callie's heart was in her throat as they approached the front desk, and then, off to the left she spotted a woman in suit. Tall, arresting.

Addison Montgomery.

Arizona paused, then redirected their movements. "Hello, Ms. Montgomery. We need a room for the night. Give us the best you have."

Addison arched a brow, assessing them both, her expression carefully neutral. "Of course."

* * *

The moment Arizona and Callie were inside the elevator, the doors closed, Arizona turned to her, pinning her against the wall, her hands on either side of Callie's head. Restraint be damned. She had been nothing but patient. Nothing but restrained in the months since Callie had served her with divorce papers. Hadn't she given Callie everything she had demanded? Certainly, she had punished her by withholding Torres manufacturing from her, but Callie had broken her vows, and it was no less than she deserved.

Anger was once again penetrating the fog of lust that had descended over Arizona. For a long time now, there had been only anger, blinding, white-hot anger. And now, there was both. An intense need that was threatening to choke the life out of her combined with a kind of futile rage that she imagined one felt when they were watching the life's blood drain out of something precious. A kind of rage directed at the universe, a rage that had no recourse, no productivity. A rage that could fix nothing. A rage that could do nothing but simply be, filling up her entire being until Arizona was driven by it, consumed by it.

Arizona felt helpless in the face of it, and so, she dipped her head and consumed Callie. Poured all of it onto the woman who had caused it.

She broke the kiss, her lips still touching Callie's. "You have never done what I expected. You have never done what I asked."

Callie looked at her, glittering brown eyes filled with an anger that matched Arizona's own. "How can you say that? I was nothing but the perfect wife to you."

"You left me. And before that you tempted me. That was never a part of our bargain."

"I never tempted you. Temptation implies that it was something you wanted to resist. You demanded that I prove we have chemistry. And once we were married I was your business partner during the day and your whore at night. Nothing more. Never anything more. Don't you dare try and pretend I surprised you somehow. All I ever wanted was the business end of the arrangement. I never wanted this."

"You never wanted my kiss?"

"I never wanted to need it."

"And do you need it? Have you spent nights as I have? Aching, alone, desperate for something you know you can only have with the one person you can never touch again?"

Callie looked down. "I don't—"

Arizona gripped her chin and forced Callie to look up at her. "Speak to me. Not to the floor.

"Yes," Callie said.

"I promise you one thing. After tonight you will burn for me forever"

* * *

 ** _AN - So? What do you guys think? Will Arizona be able to decipher her feelings before the divorce is finalised? It's not just lust right? Or is it?_**

 ** _AN - I know Pretend love was due an update first but this one wrote itself. Don't worry PL is up next. And soon._**


	6. Chapter 6

By the time she and Arizona entered the hotel room, Callie was shaking. Arizona's words were echoing in her mind.

 _After tonight you will burn for me forever._

She feared it was true. Because if the past few months were any indicator, Callie would never forget what it was like to be touched by Arizona, to be kissed by her. She had a feeling that even if she went forward with life, filling up those empty spaces as best she could, there would always be one left vacant. Hollow. A space that could only ever be filled by Arizona.

Arizona sat on the edge of the mattress, leaning back, her thighs spread, the outline of her arousal clearly visible through her dark dress pants. Yes, Callie wanted her. Yes, she was going to have this. Even if it did make her burn. Forever and ever after. It would be worth it.

Just to have Arizona look at her like this again. To have her touch her again.

Callie reached up, ready to untie the mask that concealed part of her face.

"Leave it," Arizona said, her words clipped, hard.

Callie lowered her hands. "And are you leaving yours?" she asked, looking at the slash of black leather still resting over her eyes.

"There is a certain appeal to it, don't you think? The opportunity to come together as strangers again. Perhaps we will learn new things, rather than simply assuming we already know them?"

She clung to part of Arizona's words, held them close to her chest. Strangers. Maybe if she could think of Arizona as a stranger, this wouldn't hurt quite so much. Maybe, she could get what she wanted from this without the pain.

Callie grabbed hold of the zipper tab on her dress, and slowly began to lower it. Letting her gown fall loose, leaving her standing there bare before her wife.

* * *

Arizona took in the sight of her wife's body, her every delicious curve bared for her inspection. Only two things remained. Black panties that scarcely concealed anything, rather framing the part she was most interested in. And the mask, a brilliant gold against Callie's skin. Her gift, unwrapped in all her glory.

Dark curls cascaded over Callie's shoulders, her lips a crimson temptation.

Arizona recalled the first time she had seen her wife, in her prim little business suits. She could never have imagined they would end up here. About to make love in a hotel room, wearing masks. On the brink of divorce.

Arizona had a moment of feeling as though she were in someone else's life. A life not her own.

She'd had this woman. Her wife. And she had somehow let her escape. Arizona Robbins, who failed at nothing. Who had dragged herself up from the bottom rung of society to the very top. And yet, it had not been enough. It had not been enough to keep her wife with her.

Had she not offered her everything? Money, security for her business, sex.

Somehow, as far as Callie Torres was concerned, Arizona was still not enough. Arizona hated that feeling. Loathed it more than anything else on earth. She had spent all of her life being treated as though she was not enough, as though she were deficient because of her birth condition.

But Callie had no right to treat her that way. Not now. No one did. Arizona owned the world.

 _But you do not own Callie._

Arizona gritted her teeth against that reminder. Perhaps not. Not in the grand scheme of things. But, tonight she did.

"Come to me, Calliope. Give yourself to me," she said, each word a struggle.

Callie obeyed, moving nearer to Arizona, pressing her knee into the mattress beside Arizona's thighs. "I thought we were strangers tonight?"

"If you please." Arizona ran her thumb along the edge of Callie's mask, then stretched up to kiss her mouth. "Show me what you like."

* * *

Callie was shaking, her hands aching to touch, her body hollow with the need to be possessed by Arizona. It was terrifying to need like this. This was why she had consented to marry Arizona in the first place, to save her father's ailing company. Because as far as she was concerned, a convenient marriage was the safest route to take. She didn't want to love, never.

Everyone in her life she had loved, she had lost. Her mother had left before she was born, her father died far too soon…

Callie had never wanted to submit herself to that kind of pain again. That risk of loss.

It was why there had been no other men or women before Arizona. She had avoided relationships, avoided attachments. She had imagined it would be easy to steer clear of emotional strings with a woman like Arizona. A woman whose foundation was set upon business, her personal life built upon the sand, ever shifting and reshaping. Arizona did had a reputation as quite the womanizer prior to their marriage. The sort of woman lady-lovin-lady women linked themselves to for an evening, but no more.

Foolish girl she had been, Callie had figured she would simply do the same. Connect herself physically with no emotional repercussions.

But she had been wrong. So very wrong.

Arizona was right, Callie was keeping secrets from her. But it hadn't started that way.

Something had changed in her over the course of their marriage, taking root in her soul. Building, growing, until it had been almost impossible to hold back anymore. Callie had tried to deny it, not even allowing herself to think the words.

But they were there. Echoing through her all the same.

And as Arizona rested her hand on her hip, dark azures intent on her, Callie let them flow through her for the first time. Let her mind form them fully.

Callie had her secrets. But they were not the sorts of secrets Arizona could ever imagine.

Her deepest secret was that she had fallen madly in love with her wife.

* * *

Arizona was thankful they were wearing the masks. Otherwise, she knew Callie would be able to see the raw hunger on her face. Would be able to see just how close she was to losing control.

Arizona moved her palm up from Callie's hip, along the elegant curve of her waist, to the full, brilliant temptation of her breasts. A mere mask could never make them strangers, though Arizona appreciated the small barrier it provided. Still, had she been wearing a blindfold she would've known it was Callie. Would have known the particular softness of Callie's skin, the exact slope of the indent of her waist, just where her breasts grew fuller.

Arizona knew Callie's body as well as she knew her own.

This was the last time.

That was the agreement.

Callie's hands went to her collar, delicate fingers slipping the silk of her scarf through the knot. Arizona had forgotten the simple pleasure of having Callie undress her. The beauty in anticipating their coming together. Before their marriage she had been with countless women, but from the moment her lips had touched Callie's, she had never wanted another.

Slowly, Callie slipped her fingertips inside Arizona's shirt, her palm resting over her raging heartbeat.

Arizona lifted her gaze from Callie's beautiful body to her eyes. Callie's was trying to hide too. Trying to use the mask to conceal how she felt in the intensity of this moment. Arizona raised her own hand, placed it over Callie's, trapping it against her skin. Then Arizona closed the distance between them and kissed her.

* * *

Callie made quick work of her wife's clothes, repeating actions she had carried out hundreds of times before. But this was different. Final. It made her ache.

She drank in the sight of Arizona. Her slim shoulders and heaving breasts, her nipples aroused and pointed, begging to be savoured. Her light hint of abs that shifted and rippled with each indrawn breath. And of course, the most unique part of Arizona, the part of her that she was desperate for now.

Callie memorized every detail. The flex of Arizona's thighs, the way her fingers curled the bedspread, the gold wedding band she still wore bright against her pale skin, the tendons in the back of her hands standing out as Arizona fought to anchor herself to the bed.

Callie straddled Arizona's lap, kissing her deeply with abandon as she pressed her breasts against her. It was sexual, there was no denying it, but there was also something deeply emotional about being close to Arizona like this again. Being skin to skin.

Callie had, after years of it, taken such intimacy for granted. Had been certain it hadn't been intimacy at all. But now that she had been living without Arizona, she knew that hadn't been true. Recognized, that there had been more emotion when they'd touched than she can began to imagine.

Empty, she had allowed herself to believe it was empty.

Now she felt, that evaluation may have been unfair.

"Have you continued to take your contraceptive pill?" Arizona asked, her voice rough, strained.

She was as near the edge as Callie was, and Callie found it immensely gratifying.

Callie nodded, because speech was beyond. Arizona's mouth went slightly slack, abject relief visible on her face even with some of her features obscured by the mask.

Arizona wrapped her arm around Callie's waist, moving her hand down to cup Callie's rear, and at the same time sweeping her panties to the side. Callie shifted her position, and allowed Arizona to slide deep inside of her.

Tears stung the back of Callie's eyes and she shut them tight to try and keep them back.

How had she ever thought this was empty.

This was the last time. And she feared, that without Arizona, she would never be anything but empty ever again.

* * *

 ** _AN - So? Is it lust or is it love yet?_**

 ** _AN - You guys know me, I can go graphic. But a part of me thinks that if I go as graphic as SS with this one, it'll loose it's passionate essence. I'm kind of confused here. So help me out, you guys want the next chapter be primal? Sexual? Or Emotional and romantic?_**


	7. Chapter 7

Arizona was surrounded by Callie, lost in her. The feel of her, the scent of her. She reached up, sifting her fingers through Callie's silky curtain of dark curls, relishing the sensation. She flexed her hips, sliding deeper inside the damp heat of Callie's body.

Arizona had thought their first time, five years ago, was powerful. But it was nothing in comparison to this. Because in their first time had been the promise of forever, while this was the promise of an end. And with that came the desperation to make it count, to make it last. To make sure she would burn, forever.

Because Arizona knew she would. She knew she'll burn forever for Callie.

Arizona grabbed hold of Callie's bottom, moving into a standing position, wrapping her legs around her waist, keeping herself buried deep inside of Callie. She turned and lowered Callie back to the bed, reversing their positions and thrusting down inside of her.

Her mouth lowered and covered the tip of Callie's breast. Callie threw her head back and moaned as Arizona's tongue lashed out, taunting the rose-coloured nubbin that jutted hard and proud from her tit.

Arizona's lips and teeth joined her tongue at teasing, while her hands kneaded the other globe.

Arching back slightly and entangling her fingers in Arizona's hair, Callie shoved more of the gigantic mound into Arizona's mouth as if attempting to force the ponderous mass down her throat.

* * *

The hotel room burned with their twin passion and heat as Arizona's hand roughly covered Callie's heat. Her index finger stimulated the damp crease of Callie's sex as she plunged herself deeper into the hot, wet channel of Callie's vagina. In and out, her length worked, moving across the agitated surface of Callie's clitoris with each exciting stroke.

The two-fold stimulation was more than what Callie could endure. Moaning under the dual manipulations, her body turned to liquid as they both came. Together, like a slow motion scene, they sank to the satin bed that cushioned their bodies

Arizona released her hold on Callie's now-aching breast and once more covered her full luscious lips with her own, as she rode atop Callie's writhing her, Callie's long, shapely legs opened, spreading for a entry once again. Her hand, reached out for Arizona's length and glided the turgid organ to the moist lips of her mound.

One thing Arizona always found astonishing about their coupling had been that they're never spent after just one round. It has always been multiple. She threw her hips forward, thrusting the swollen shaft into the hot, lubricated shelter of Callie's center once again.

The repeat invasion drew a sharp moan of pleasure from the Callie's throat. Arizona loved that sound. It's what always turned her on more. The tight young muscles of Callie's heat contracted into a squeezing sheath surrounding Arizona's throbbing organ. Callie's hips jerked upward, burying the hard pole deeper in her velvet-lined tunnel.

"God!" she groaned.

Rising on her arms, Arizona hung over the dark-haired woman so that they were joined only at their hips. Then she vigorously pumped herself into Callie's fiery, liquid core in long hard strokes. Over and over, Arizona threw herself into the girl, as the sense of urgency that had dominated her throughout their separation drove her on at a desperate pace.

Callie didn't mind. She groaned and moaned under the battering attack. Anchoring her hands on Arizona's back, she pulled, bringing Arizona fully crushing atop her. Callie writhed and twisted with pleasure under the fleshy impact. Her hips leapt up to meet Arizona's every plunge. The rigid shaft of flesh forced its way deeper and deeper into the skin of her soul.

* * *

Arizona was as deep in Callie as she could possibly get, and it wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

Callie gasped, arching against her and Arizona captured the sound with her mouth, kissing her as she allowed herself to get lost in the rhythm of their bodies. Lost in her.

They soared in a delirium of erotic fever, both striving to reach new heights of ecstasy. Pounding, groaning, aching and grunting, they drove for the full measure of pleasure each offered, until an imploding universe lust consumed Callie in wave upon wave of soul-blasting passion.

Arizona's climax rushed up to meet her as well, overtaking her like a savage beast, grabbing her by the throat and shaking her hard, leaving pleasure to bleed out through her body in an unstoppable tide. Arizona gritted her teeth and thrust into Callie one last time, grinding against the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs, holding position until she made the sweet familiar sound of release, Callie's internal muscles tightening around her again.

Arizona didn't move, not for a long while. Callie's red lips parted, a long sigh escaping.

And then a single tear tracked from beneath her golden mask and slid down her cheek, leaving a dark blot on the pillow case.

"Calliope?" Arizona asked, moving away from her.

Callie shook her head. "No. No names. Please. Please let's be strangers."

* * *

Callie was gasping for breath, a haze of pleasure tangling with the sharp, keen clarity of what she had just done. Of the fact that it was over.

Arizona started to get up, as was her routine after they made love. For all five years of their marriage, they would make love and she would leave, go back to her own room, leave Callie there with nothing more than her scent on her pillow to keep her company as her sheets cooled.

Callie couldn't stand that right now. Just this once, she needed Arizona to stay.

"Don't go."

Arizona paused. "But you're upset."

"No. Yes," Callie said, laughing slightly while she wiped the moisture from her cheeks. "I don't know what I am. But I don't want to be alone."

"You like to be left alone. After we…"

"What made you think that?" Callie scoffed loudly

"You prize your space, Calliope. I have always tried to respect that. You made it very plain when we were first married that you wanted to sleep alone."

Arizona's words hit her like a brick. They weren't wrong. Callie had made a very big deal about wanting to preserve her space. But that was before they were married. Certainly before they had shared years of intimacy. Surely, Arizona must have known that she would want her to stay.

"I didn't always want space," Callie said.

"When? When did it change?"

Callie knew when. But she didn't want to tell Arizona.

"We were strangers when we first married. Of course, after we got to know each other. After it was more than just physical… I suppose I never told you."

"No."

"I wished you would stay." So much easier to tell Arizona these things while she was wearing the mask. While she was pretending they were just strangers, talking. Yes, they were talking about a shared past, but somehow the game, the idea, allowed her the distance she needed to speak to Arizona without falling apart.

"I would have liked that," Arizona said, her voice rough.

"We kept too many secrets."

Dark azures met hers, and Arizona moved nearer to her again. "Did we? What were yours? Tell me your secrets, Calliope."

* * *

 ** _AN - So? Love or lust? Divorce or no divorce? Actually, on a scale of 1-10, how blind is Arizona when it comes to romance? Or is she working on the facts said aloud to her?_**

 ** _AN - Callie can't tell her biggest secret to Arizona after serving her the divorce paper right? But she can't keep it to herself either, that would be unfair right? So what to do?_**

 ** _AN - I hope it was emotional-sexual-and romantic enough for you guys. :p. Those increasing numbers of response after the last chapter is what got you guys this sooner update._**

 ** _AN - Fair warning, we are nearing the divorce...err the ending soon._**

 ** _xD Rita_**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Bonus chapter cos there won't be a new update until next week.**_

* * *

Arizona watched the pulse beat hard at the base of Callie's neck, watched as the delicate color leached from her cheeks. Callie is so beautiful. Arizona had always thought so. But she didn't know if she had ever felt it.

Arizona felt it now. Echoing in her soul, reverberating down deep in her bones. The kind of beauty you didn't just witness, but the kind that took up residence inside you. Changed you. How had she been blind to it until she had lost it?

"You don't want to know about me," Callie said, her voice soft.

"There will never be another chance for me to learn. And we are just strangers. So tell me. Tell me who you are. Then, when we leave here, perhaps we will not be strangers. Though, we will not meet again," Arizona said.

"You know everything there is to know about me."

"No, I don't. Because we are strangers. Talk to me like I am a stranger, and not your wife. And I dare say I will learn more in that conversation than any we have had in the past five years." Arizona didn't know why she was making the demand, didn't know why it suddenly seemed so important. Only that it did.

Callie shifted her position, rolling to her side and Arizona watched her completely captivated, but not only by her body, by the words she would speak next. "All right. You know my mother left. And that it was just me and my father. And I wanted…I wanted so badly to please him. And I did. I poured everything that I was into learning about Torres manufacturing, into helping him with ideas. I wanted to be involved in it so that we would have something in common. And he loved sharing all of that with me. And then he died. And Torres manufacturing was all I had. By the time you and I met…I felt as though everything that I had ever cared about I was destined to lose. So that's why I couldn't find someone to be my maid of honor at the wedding. And that's why there were no one before you. Because earning the love of the only family member I had left meant pouring everything into the company. And I did love Torres manufacturing. But you can love a business, and you can love the money it brings in. But it can never love you back." Callie took a deep breath. "Finally, I realized that. I realized that no amount of pouring into it would replicate the love I had lost when my father died. And so, I decided I was tired of pouring in and getting nothing back. I decided I was tired of being empty."

"You felt…empty? Even when you were with me?"

Callie lifted a bare shoulder. "Sometimes being skin to skin with someone and knowing they don't care for you is even more devastating than simply being alone." She pushed herself into a sitting position, drawing her knees up to her chest. "Now…tell me your secrets"

* * *

Callie watched, waited to see if Arizona would turn away from her, or if she would share. She wanted Arizona to tell her, wanted to tear down that wall that she kept between herself and the world, herself and her wife, and finally understand the woman she had shared her life with for half a decade. Of course, it wasn't fair. Because she had talked of familial love, and manufacturing companies, and never once spoken of the fact that what had truly left her feeling empty, was loving her when she knew Arizona didn't love her back.

"I was the freak, bastard daughter of a poor woman. I worked hard, got straight A's in school, got scholarships, worked my way from the ground up at one of the largest national conglomerates… But you can find all this out by reading my bio."

"But we are sharing. As though we're strangers," Callie said. "What inspired you to work hard? What inspired you to change?"

There was a slight pause. "I saw opulence all around me every day, and yet I was not allowed to partake in it. I vowed that I would have my own piece of that opulence someday. I was so tired of being denied."

It was easy then, to imagine Arizona as a little girl, surrounded by the luxuries of the world while constantly being told they were off limits. How confusing it must have been.

"You must be proud. Of everything you have achieved."

"Typically. Typically, I am. And yet, I find myself being denied again. I don't like it, Calliope. I don't like it one bit."

"What have you been denied?"

Arizona's dark eyes blazed into Callie. "You."

Callie's heart leapt against her breastbone. "Find another wife. It won't be difficult for you."

"But it's you that I want. I want you."

"Why? Because I matter? Because you're still a little girl throwing a tantrum over the things you can't have?"

A feral growl escaped Arizona's lips and Callie found herself pinned against the mattress, Arizona above her, her expression fierce. And for the first time that night, Arizona reached up and tore off the mask.

* * *

"Am I a little girl? I think not. Perhaps you need me to show you again that I am in fact very much a woman."

"Why would you need to show me?" Callie asked, desperation pouring through her. "Why should you care?"

"Do not forget, that you are the one who demanded to divorce, Calliope. Not me. I did not asked for this. I did not want this. I never wanted it." Arizona couldn't control the rage pouring through her veins.

"Why?" Callie asked, ferocity lacing her tone. "You haven't given me a satisfactory answer to my question."

Arizona growled, flexing her hips, giving Callie a taste of her growing arousal, and in spite of herself, Callie's body responded. "Is this not answer enough?"

"No. You have always acted like it should be enough. It isn't enough."

"Why not? I gave you my name. I gave you my money, I saved your failing business. I gave you my home. A place in my bed. And you reject me. You tell me I'm not enough. I made vows to you, I would have lived by those vows till my dying breath and still I am not enough."

"Because you didn't give me what I wanted."

"You have never told me what you wanted," Arizona said, desperation filling her tone now, matching Callie's own loosing battle. "You didn't tell me you wanted to share my bed all night. You didn't tell me you wanted to share a room. You kept these things from me, and then you punished me for not guessing what you never spoke out loud."

* * *

 ** _AN - These two. I can't. SMH._**

 ** _AN - Divorce or no divorce? Divorce or no divorce?_**


	9. Chapter 9

**_"You have never told me what you wanted," Arizona said, desperation filling her tone now, matching Callie's own loosing battle. "You didn't tell me you wanted to share my bed all night. You didn't tell me you wanted to share a room. You kept these things from me, and then you punished me for not guessing what you never spoke out loud."_**

* * *

There was no response Callie could give to that. Because Arizona was right. She had never told Arizona what she wanted. Had never told her what she felt, that she was empty, that she was desperate for more from her. Callie hadn't told Arizona that she loved her. She had been consumed with protecting herself, with preventing another loss. So she had run, not realizing the fatal flaw in her plan. She already loved Arizona, so whether or not she told her, whether or not she ever gave Arizona the chance to reject her, she would lose Arizona if she ran.

But Callie didn't know if she was brave enough to stay. Didn't know if she was brave enough to speak those words to Arizona, to watch her face change. To one of horror, of pity. Arizona didn't want love, she had stated it plainly. Had told her explicitly after their wedding that theirs would never be a union held together by emotion.

So Callie had believed her.

 _What you wanted changed. Perhaps what Arizona wanted has changed too. But you will never know, because you are a coward._

It was true. She was.

And it had to stop.

She curled her fingers around Arizona's mask and pulled it away. And they were Arizona and Callie again. There was no more hiding. She refused to hide anymore.

"I still haven't told you my last secret"

* * *

Arizona looked down at her wife, Callie's eyes glittering with emotion, and she felt her rage drain away. She moved away from Callie, pushing herself into a sitting position and forking her fingers through her damp blonde hairs. "I'm sorry, Callie."

Arizona heard the rustle of the covers as she sat up, felt the light touch of Callie's fingertips against her shoulder. "Do you want to hear my secret?"

Arizona's chest seized up tight. "Is it fair to say that I'm not sure?"

"I suppose so. Since I'm not sure I want to tell it. But I realized that all of the silence between us is what broke things. So I doubt there's anything I could say now that would make it worse."

"We are getting divorced the day after tomorrow. It doesn't get worse than that."

Callie laughed softly, her breath fanning over Arizona's bare skin, creating goosebumps in their wake, that both of them noticed.

"I suppose so." Still, Callie said nothing, she only moved nearer to Arizona, pressed her body against her back, holding her.

"You're stalling, Calliope."

"You always call me that," Callie said, her voice soft.

"I suppose I do. It's your full name"

"From the beginning. You've always called me that."

Discomfort crawled over Arizona's skin. "Yes. You listen more when I use it."

"It means music."

"I'm well aware of the meaning."

"I used to find it slightly annoying. I mean at first. Because it was all a charade, and neither you nor I were pretending to have any finer feelings. It's what my father used to call me, infact he was the only one who used to call me by my full name. He used to say that it shows his depth of love for me. I never liked anyone else using it. At first, I actually hated it when you used it. But one day… One day you said it and everything sort of slowed down. And I realized that whether or not you meant anything when you called me that it meant something to me. Because Arizona, I love you."

Heat and cold rushed through Arizona's body, a reaction she could not have anticipated.

But then, her wife's words were nothing she could have ever anticipated. Callie loved her? And she was telling her this two nights before their divorce was final.

Arizona turned to look at the clock. After midnight. Not even two nights until their divorce was final. It was Christmas now.

Arizona stood, collecting her clothes and putting them on as quickly as possible. She was aware of Callie watching her, but she didn't look at her. She couldn't look at her. She was too lost in the feelings riding through her. Anger. Pain. But most of all, fear.

It was the fear that won.

"Our last night together has come to an end," Arizona said, keeping her eyes fixed on a place on the wall behind her. "Merry Christmas, Callie."

And then she turned and walked out the door.


	10. Chapter 10

It was a truly vile Christmas, thank you very much. No matter how resolutely the radio played music proclaiming it a merry one, Callie simply couldn't feel it.

She had done it. She had told Arizona. Confessed all, and Arizona had rejected her. No, she had not even had the decency to reject her. She had simply walked out. With nary anything but a season's greeting.

Callie should feel vindicated. Obviously, she had been right asking for the divorce. Obviously, no amount, or lack, of communication could have possibly altered the course of their relationship. She had changed, what she wanted had changed, but what Arizona wanted hadn't.

Certainly, Arizona had been more than willing to have sex with her, but that was no indication of any finer feelings. Typical.

Callie took a sip of wine, then set her glass back down on the side board in the living room. The crystal made contact with the wood surface with a resounding click, echoing against the walls of her family home. Highlighting the fact that she was truly alone.

Here she was, living the exact thing she had been afraid of. Loving again. Losing it again.

The only positive thing she could say was that she was living. For now, she would take it.

The doorbell rang and she crossed the expansive living area, heading toward the entry. If it was carolers, she could not promise she wouldn't throw them in a snow bank. She wasn't feeling particularly cheered and she didn't really want anyone to try.

She paused at the door and looked through the security glass. And then her heart stopped. There were no Dickensian street urchins, no carolers of any kind.

It was Arizona.

Callie opened the door to the townhouse, her sadness suddenly washed away by a torrent of anger. "What do you want? You didn't hurt me enough last night? Have you also come to step on my toe? Get a red wine stain on the cream colored rug? Or perhaps something else similarly damaging?"

"No," Arizona said, her voice ragged. For the first time, Callie paused and looked at Arizona, really looked. And she noticed Arizona appeared as though she had not slept since she had left her in the hotel room. Arizona wasn't there in one of her pricy business suits. Hairs in disrray, cheeks stained with dried tears, face sans any makeup, she was dressed in a simple white shirt and worn off denim. Still she looked everything Callie fell in love with.

"I came here because I have one more secret to tell you."

* * *

Last time Arizona had felt so nervous, she had knocked over a vase in the hallowed halls of the home her mother had worked in. She had known then, though she had only been a child, that she had broken something priceless. That there would be no fixing it. That the only way out would be if those she had wronged forgave her debt, because there was no way she could pay it.

It was the same as this moment. Arizona had broken something last night, perhaps, she had been steadily breaking it over the past five years. She wasn't sure there was any way to fix it. And so, instead she would ask for forgiveness. And offer something in return.

"Tell me," Callie said, her voice thin.

"I hated Christmas as a child. It was so happy and warm, it was everything I was not. A display of all I could not have. It made me want. It made me feel. It made me ache. To be tantalized by all that you cannot have from your very earliest memory… There was a point where I decided I would never do that again. I would no longer want, I would have. And I would do what needed to be done to obtain the means to make it possible. Then I met you. And I…I acquired you. As I have done many things in the past."

Callie squinted her eyes, "I'm not certain I find that flattering."

"It isn't. Simply the reasoning of a frightened woman." Arizona drew a deep breath. "We were married for five years. And I never once brought a Christmas tree, or anything festive at all into our house, did I?"

"No," Callie said.

"It is because I didn't want to ache anymore. Reminders of the past…of that longing…they only made me ache and so I kept them away. But I couldn't stop that pain forever."

"You couldn't?"

"No. Because of you. You are my Christmas, Calliope Torres."

* * *

"I'm your what?"

"You are my Christmas. Being near you, so close to you, and yet not having you made me ache. So I pretended I didn't need you. I pretended you weren't important. When in truth all I really wanted was one moment of the warmth, of the happiness, I knew I could find in you." Arizona cleared her throat. "But I was afraid. Afraid of wanting something I might not be able to have. You were right, in many ways. I am just a little girl afraid of being denied."

Callie felt like her heart was going to explode. She stepped out the door, wrapping her arms around Arizona, squeezing her eyes shut tight. "Oh, Arizona. You don't have to be afraid of me. You don't have to be afraid of not having me."

"When you asked for your divorce…I told myself I hated you because yet again I was being denied. So I decided I wouldn't think of you. I wouldn't remember you. I wouldn't want you. Because it was better than the pain." Arizona looked away. "Of course…I could not let go entirely. It's why I wore the ring still. Because I didn't want it to be over, no matter what I told myself."

"I hurt you? Believe me when I tell you I had no clue I possessed the power to hurt you." Callie reasoned.

Arizona drew back slightly, her dark blue depths trained on Callie's. "I didn't know either. Because I worked so hard to ensure that nothing did. But you… You got beneath my defenses. You were so unexpected. A virgin in business suits who wanted a marriage of convenience. Why should I ever think I would have to protect my heart from such a creature?"

Callie frowned. "I am not a creature."

Arizona leaned in and kissed her lips lightly. "Of course not."

"So what do you… I mean… How do you feel about Christmas now?" Callie asked, her heart thundering heavily.

"I assume by Christmas you mean you."

"That is the metaphor."

A smile curved Arizona's lips. "Aren't you going to invite me in?"

* * *

Arizona had spent the whole night wandering the city feeling tortured. Feeling as though her heart had been ripped straight out of her chest and hung up on a tree in Rockefeller Center as a macabre ornament.

And then she had asked herself what the hell she was doing, wandering the city streets in the cold when she could be with her wife. When there was a woman who loved her. A woman she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

So, she had come to her.

"I would invite you in," Callie said, blocking the door with her tall frame. "But there are Christmas decorations in there. And I'm not sure yet how you feel about those."

"I love them," Arizona said, the words rough, torn from her.

Callie's lips went slack, rounded into an O. "You do?"

"I do" Arizona shrugged.

"Why…why did you never tell Christmas? And why did you let Christmas almost divorce us? And why did you walk out of the hotel room without saying anything when Christmas confessed its true feelings?"

"Because," Arizona said, tugging Callie into her arms and kissing her hard. "Because I am little more than a frightened little girl. I had aspirations. I wanted things. But, Calliope that's nothing compared to risking your heart. I didn't want to let anything or anyone hurt me, ever again. I married you because you were safe. But then it turned out you weren't. So I kept you at a distance and…and then you left me. Calliope, these past six months without you have been hell."

"They have been," Callie said. "I mean, for me too. Without you."

"I know I don't ever want to lose you again. And I know that means investing more than I have. I know that means giving, I know that means opening up. It means risking pain."

"But healing too," Callie said, tears filling her eyes. "And happiness. And love. Lots of love."

Arizona kissed her again. "I know. It's worth the risk. And now you know my secrets. If I ever close up, if I ever turn away…"

"I'll ask you why. And you do the same for me."

"I promise."

"I love you. Calliope. More than you can ever imagine."

Callie's heart expanded in her chest. "I love you, too, Arizona."

"Stay my wife. Please." Arizona begged.

"I will." Callie kissed her again and Arizona looked beyond her, through the door and at the house inside. She could see a Christmas tree, lights twinkling everywhere. And she knew for a fact Christmas would never again be a promise not kept.

It would be, for her, the ultimate symbol of vows honored.

"Now maybe you should come inside," Callie said, a smile on her face. "I have a present for you that you might want to unwrap."

 ** _THE END_**

* * *

 ** _AN - Few things. I don't know how this chapter will be received. I know everyone was expecting Arizona to confess, maybe in a grand way or something and of course I wanted it as well. But I really wanted Arizona to stick to her original character trait (I-have-no-clue-about-romance) as well, so this is what rolled out. Hope you guys enjoyed this journey._**

 ** _AN - SS will be wrapping up soon as well. I have lots of request for a g!p fic with some accidental pregnancy scenario. So let me know if that's what you want me to write next or another sweet edition like Pretend Love._**


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